12 October, 2010

X-MAS WISH LIST

QUOTED

“Watch out for people who have a situational value system, who can turn the charm on and off depending on the status of the person they are interacting with…Be especially wary of those who are rude to people perceived to be in subordinate roles.” 
-Bill Swanson, former CEO Raytheon

TO CONCEAL

Secret Stash from yiting cheng on Vimeo.

RE: HAIKUS

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

CASE & POINT

HOW TO SURVIVE A HORROR FILM

If the young girls of the neighborhood sing songs about boogeymen while jumping rope, consider moving.

It's a safe bet that the man who your mom brought home is going to, at some point, try to kill you - so kill him first.

Don't ever wear a badge. You will definitely die.

Never go near a town that has a mental asylum and a hardware store in the same neighborhood.

Never watch a horror movie while you're in a horror movie.

Never attempt to investigate the urban legends of a small town, no matter how certain you are that they are false. They are true and you will die if you go.

If you are a jerk, kill yourself. Save yourself and others a lot of pain.

Never buy your kids a doll that talks.

Never, never, never try to remove the mask from the 'dead' villian. He'll just get up again, and this time he's gonna be pissed.

If, at any point, you are running from a villian who is driving in a motorized vehicle, do not run in a straight line down the road - zig zag, run off the road, do a U-Turn.

Never walk backwards.

Always use the buddy system. Also, make sure that your buddy is slower, weaker, or dumber than you are.

Never be funnier than the main character.

Do not allow a computer the ability to lock doors.

Do not visit Prom Queen's grave, better to remember her the way that she was.

Stay on the Interstate.

Make sure what you use to kill the villian is a poison, and not a stimulant of any kind.

If your car breaks down in the woods, take the time to walk the extra 5 miles into town.

Turning around in general is a bad idea.

Stay away from 'quaint' hotels and inns. Go for the brand names.

A small-town's little summer celebration sounds like fun, but you and your friends will probably die.

If a dog, cat, or horse begins to behave in an erratic fashion in a particular person's presence, avoid that person at all costs (even if it is your spouse or child).

Mentioning any goals in life, anything to look forward to, or any loved ones will get you killed.

Never be present immediately before, during, or anytime after a séance.

Your dog can take care of itself...

So can your spouse...

And your kids.

Ask why the estate is being sold so cheap.

Never bathe or shower.

Never camp or build homes on Indian burial grounds.

If a small band of children appear to be smarter then the adults that are around them, be cautious.

On no account do anything because someone dares you to.

If you walk into the local abandoned-looking church to seek help or shelter, and you notice that the crucifix is mounted upside down, turn around and go back outside as quietly as possible.

If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, although you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

BITBOXER

SMART POSTER

07 October, 2010

MORE CELEBRITIES IN TOWN

Minneapolis has gone Hollywood for the week. Josh Harnett is in town staying at his Lake of the Isles home and was seen last night at Bryant Lake Bowl. Bob Dylan is said to be in town next week for his installment of his sidewalk Hall of Fame star on Hennepin Avenue. Meanwhile, Cameron Diaz had a late lunch before the Twins vs. Yankees play-off game today at Palomino, Charlize Theron and Patrick Wilson filmed scenes this morning at the IDS Center and former President Carter is playing house in the suburbs. All we need now is Lindsay Lohan stumbling out of Deja Vu...

JIMMY CARTER IN TOWN

The 39th President of the United States, Jimmy Carter is in town this week supporting Habitat for Humanity. The 86 year old spoke at a benefit at the Xcel Center last night and will be spending today pretending to help build houses.

Careful with that hammer, Jimmy - you're really old.

06 October, 2010

QUOTED

I called Justin [Justin Vernon of Bon Iver] and we ended up becoming like really good friends, playing basketball together everyday, and going into the back studio to record his parts… He’s similar to me, like where he just does shit just so people would be like, ‘Oh shit, how did you do that? How did that happen?’ He’s just a really cool guy to be around."
 – Kanye West

JW HULME SALE

Local bagmaker, JW Hulme Co., (recently brought in to Barney's stores in NYC) is having a big sample sale:
  
Thursday, October 14th
4-8pm
678 West 7th St.
St. Paul, MN 55102
 

FASHION

Looks like I have my next red carpet outfit all set.

Mercedes Benz Fashion Week Spring 2011: Davidelfin
Photo by Christoper Free

CAMERON DIAZ IN TOWN

Ms. Cameron Diaz is in town tonight supporting her man, Alex Rodriguez of a little team called the Yankees. Word on the street is they're staying at the Grand Hotel.

05 October, 2010

BRODY KELLY-MADDOX

The newest member of the Kelly-Maddox household.

WHOOPS!

The host of Austalia's Next Model crowns the winner on the show's finale, aired live across the nation. Problem is she announces the wrong one - and must awkwardly re-crown the correct winner. Can you tell which lady is the loser, the winner and the host?

And I'm still laughing.

03 October, 2010

DANCE

MORE NEAT THINGS

NEW PLANET

This is cool. Scientists have discovered a new planet that may be able to support life in a nearby solar system. Before you go and pee your pants, let me get to just how nearby this little chestnut is. 20 light years away from Earth. Yikes. The planet is believed to have both an atmosphere and water - both of which come in handy for living.

The planet has been named Gliese 581g. What a pretty name - rolls right off the tongue.

ROADKILL

Four big brands in the auto industry have bit the dust: Hummer, Pontiac, Saturn and Mercury. No Hummer for you.

02 October, 2010

CHARLIZE THERON IN TOWN

Charlize Theron and Patrick Wilson (Hard Candy, Little Children, Watchmen, Running with Scissors) are in Minneapolis next week filming Young Adult, a film written by hometown-girl-gone-good, Diablo Cody (Juno, Jennifer's Body, Showtime's United States of Tara). Theron will be filming Thursday in the IDS Center.

BEST BUY GOES VENDING MACHINE

You're walking around downtown and suddenly you have an uncontrollable impulse to purchase an iPod. You're in luck. Depending upon your exact location, you have the new Best Buy vending machine in the IDS Center, or the Apple vending machine on the 2nd floor of Macy's, or you can go to Target's Electronics department - unless you're still mad about the whole Tom Emmer thing...

MOVIES: PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2