If the young girls of the neighborhood sing songs about boogeymen while jumping rope, consider moving.
It's a safe bet that the man who your mom brought home is going to, at some point, try to kill you - so kill him first.
Don't ever wear a badge. You will definitely die.
Never go near a town that has a mental asylum and a hardware store in the same neighborhood.
Never watch a horror movie while you're in a horror movie.
Never attempt to investigate the urban legends of a small town, no matter how certain you are that they are false. They are true and you will die if you go.
If you are a jerk, kill yourself. Save yourself and others a lot of pain.
Never buy your kids a doll that talks.
Never, never, never try to remove the mask from the 'dead' villian. He'll just get up again, and this time he's gonna be pissed.
If, at any point, you are running from a villian who is driving in a motorized vehicle, do not run in a straight line down the road - zig zag, run off the road, do a U-Turn.
Never walk backwards.
Always use the buddy system. Also, make sure that your buddy is slower, weaker, or dumber than you are.
Never be funnier than the main character.
Do not allow a computer the ability to lock doors.
Do not visit Prom Queen's grave, better to remember her the way that she was.
Stay on the Interstate.
Make sure what you use to kill the villian is a poison, and not a stimulant of any kind.
If your car breaks down in the woods, take the time to walk the extra 5 miles into town.
Turning around in general is a bad idea.
Stay away from 'quaint' hotels and inns. Go for the brand names.
A small-town's little summer celebration sounds like fun, but you and your friends will probably die.
If a dog, cat, or horse begins to behave in an erratic fashion in a particular person's presence, avoid that person at all costs (even if it is your spouse or child).
Mentioning any goals in life, anything to look forward to, or any loved ones will get you killed.
Never be present immediately before, during, or anytime after a séance.
Your dog can take care of itself...
So can your spouse...
And your kids.
Ask why the estate is being sold so cheap.
Never bathe or shower.
Never camp or build homes on Indian burial grounds.
If a small band of children appear to be smarter then the adults that are around them, be cautious.
On no account do anything because someone dares you to.
If you walk into the local abandoned-looking church to seek help or shelter, and you notice that the crucifix is mounted upside down, turn around and go back outside as quietly as possible.
If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, although you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
No comments:
Post a Comment