CLOSING DOORS

I once had a relationship that lasted somewhere around the five year mark. And through those years we met the highest highs and some pretty deep lows. We broke up. We got back together. We were the couple who cried wolf - or in this case, 'happily ever after'. Our relationship shared certain plot lines of fictional TV shows on HBO - no, not True Blood. And while we did a lot of things the wrong way - we did just enough the right way to keep it going. I'll never forget the day we met. I would one day realize that it was my first love. After our last break up there was talk of keeping the proverbial door open for one another. Almost two years later, I received a phone call to let me know that the ex was engaged. And so I pretended to be happy - happy for the ex.

But, somewhere between the shock of it all, the "this-came-out-of-nowhere" feeling, I saw that proverbial door I had wedged open somewhere in my head - well, I saw it (abruptly) slam shut. All of the doubt and 'what-if's' came flooding back. Here, I was doing just fine. Living my life, being relatively happy. And then the ex calls and shits all over everything. So, I have to stop and think - why am I letting this get to me? The ex has been in this relationship for almost two years. I knew this was a possibility. I was fine without the ex - I planned on continuing being fine without the ex.

So then why does it feel like there's a piece of me that just went missing? A few months ago, I was at the movies and I saw this poster for some stupid period/romance flick. The tagline: First love burns brightest.

First love may burn brightest. I don't know yet. For now, first love just burns.